27-11-2006, 10:50 | #21 | |
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Quote:
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"I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia! |
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27-11-2006, 13:41 | #22 |
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A tourist in Amsterdam wants to have a go in the Red Light District. He sees two doors. The entry fee for the left door is €5,- and for the right door €50,-. Easy pick: he pays five euro and walks into the left door. However, the only thing he sees there is a cow in an empty room with just a large mirror. "What a bummer! Well, I've paid for sex anyway, so why not give it a go?" The next day he goes to the same place and thinks to get proper sex if he goes to through the right door, so he pays fifty euro and goes in. There he sees a lot of people all watching a couple have sex in another room. "What's so special about this?" he asks. "Oh, you should've been here yesterday! Someone fucked a cow!!"
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30-11-2006, 13:15 | #23 |
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CONVERTING A BEAR
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
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"I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia! |
30-11-2006, 13:49 | #24 |
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Damn, it's pretty bad if one misses the point because of not knowing the decisive word.
I had to look up circumcision...it's not as funny now as it had been if I had known the word before...
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Being without a signature since November 2004. |
30-11-2006, 14:07 | #25 |
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that was funnier than the joke ynnek
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3/2006 : Now, surely that must be because some fists might have caused internal damage to certain delicate parts? |
10-12-2006, 13:50 | #26 |
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A short one
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," the husband sighs, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
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"I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia! |
10-12-2006, 16:40 | #27 |
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rofl
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I fed my Dog the American Dream Well, he rolled over and he started to scream He said, I dig the taste of salt but it don't keep me alive yeah, yeah |
11-12-2006, 09:21 | #28 |
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"Death is lighter than a feather, but duty is heavier than a mountain..." - The Eye of the World |
22-12-2006, 12:52 | #29 |
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> A husband and wife were having dinner at a very expensive restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. > The wife glares at her husband and asks, "Who was that?" > "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." > "Well, that's the last straw," storms the wife. "I've had enough! I want a divorce!" > "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany , no more Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." > Just then, a friend of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. > "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. > "That's his mistress," says her husband. > "Ours is prettier!" says the wife.
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"I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia! |
09-01-2007, 12:39 | #30 |
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Harvey and Gladys Goldman are getting ready for bed.
Gladys is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. You know, Harvey," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg!" She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself." Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, Well...there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." Services for Harvey Goldman will be held Tuesday morning at 10:30
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"I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia! |